Series Title: Redeeming Influence
Part 1: Leading with grit and grace
Abigail’s story in Scripture reveals a strong and undaunted woman whose influence offers timeless lessons in female leadership. Her story unfolds in 1 Samuel 25. She was married to a man named Nabal, known for being uncouth, stubborn, and ill-mannered. He was also very wealthy, owning thousands of sheep and goats.
During this time, David, the anointed king of Israel, was on the run for his life. He and his band of weary, hungry soldiers heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep, enjoying a time of plenty and celebration. David’s men had previously shown kindness to Nabal’s shepherds, and David thought it fitting to ask Nabal for food in return.
But Nabal refused, igniting deep anger in David. Exhausted and hungry, David vowed to end Nabal’s life. When Abigail heard what had taken place, she acted swiftly. Gathering bread, wine, sheep, grain, raisin cakes, and fig cakes, she saddled her donkey and rode out to meet David. When she caught up to him, she humbly dismounted, bowed before him, and spoke truth.
She found courage to speak and even asked David to forgive her for presuming to do so. She reminded him not to get caught up in petty battles with men, but to keep fighting the Lord’s battles. Her words were so heartfelt and wise that David was immediately convicted. He praised her discernment, realizing she had kept him from committing a great wrong in a moment of anger.
There is much to glean from this story. We are reminded that leadership is not about title or position. It is about influence. Abigail bravely used her influence to bring about transformation, not only for herself, but for many others. Her story highlights several key strategies every effective leader should embrace.
We will unpack those in the lessons ahead.
For deeper reflection:
How do I you tend to define leadership, by title, visibility, or quiet influence?
What might it look like to lead with Abigail’s kind of courage and discernment in my current season?
Abigail’s words redirected a king. Where might God be calling me to use my voice, not for control, but for peace and wisdom?
Series Title: Redeeming Influence
Part 2: Effective leadership
Let’s continue to pull out several aspects of leadership based on the example of Abigail.
Effective leaders respond quickly, not emotionally
Abigail acted swiftly. There are moments in leadership when we must respond promptly, but quick action should never be confused with reaction.
As women, we are a lovely bundle of emotions, easily stirred at a moment’s notice. We cannot and should not separate ourselves from our emotions as they are part of the beauty of how God made us. Yet, we must be careful not to make decisions that spring from emotion rather than reason.
It is hard to be taken seriously if we are all over the place. Others need to see our compassion, sympathy, and vulnerability, but there are moments when emotion must give way to wisdom. Our decisions carry weight; they impact more than just us. Always. Others look to us and take cues from our behavior.
How we conduct ourselves in high-stakes moments will either strengthen or damage our credibility. It’s difficult to regain trust once people lose confidence in our steadiness as leaders.
Effective leaders are not driven by fear
Fear did not stop Abigail from using her influence to alter the situation. She had much to fear. Nabal was harsh and unreasonable. How far would his fury stretch when he discovered what she had done? She went behind his back, defying him, to protect others. Her motives were righteous, but the personal cost could have been immense.
Her silence would have been costly to others, yet her voice was costly to herself. Still, she did not hesitate. Though fear could have paralyzed her, conviction propelled her. This is courage, courage linked to purpose.
As women, we often worry how our actions will make others feel. We fear disapproval, conflict, or losing relationships. But when fear drives us, we stop leading. The right decision is rarely the easiest or most comfortable one. True leadership asks not, What do I stand to lose? but What will others gain if I do what’s right?
Self-interest is never the compass of godly leadership.
Effective leaders engage in healthy conflict
Abigail defused a volatile situation that could have ended in tragedy. She did not add to the drama, she stepped into it with discernment. On one side stood Nabal, arrogant and selfish; on the other, David, angry and rash. Knowing Nabal was unreasonable, Abigail appealed to David’s heart and character.
She reminded him of what was true. Drama thrives when a small truth is exaggerated for selfish gain. Peace thrives when truth is spoken humbly and clearly.
Leaders are often pulled into unnecessary drama. Some team members behave like children vying for a parent’s attention: engaging in side conversations, post-meeting alliances, and attempts to sway leadership. A wise leader shuts this down quickly, as Abigail did, by appealing to what is true and right.
She used her influence to promote peace.
For deeper reflection:
In what areas of leadership do I need to grow in steadiness and composure so that others can trust my guidance?
How does Abigail’s courage challenge my understanding of what it means to lead faithfully as a woman?
How do I typically respond to conflict, with avoidance, overreaction, or discernment?
What does it look like to bring peace without passivity and truth without harshness?
Series Title: Redeeming Influence
Part 3: Effective leadership, continued
Let’s continue our journey through 1 Samuel 25, gleaning leadership lessons from the story of Abigail.
Effective leaders are wise with their timing
When Abigail returned home and found Nabal drunk, she wisely held her tongue. Timing matters. Wise leaders understand the power of restraint, especially when delivering difficult news.
Self-control is an essential part of timing. It reveals how well we govern our emotions, words, and actions. Godly restraint is wisdom paired with self-control.
Self-awareness also plays a role. Holding our words while communicating silent resentment is not self-control, it’s passive aggression. True self-control flows from humility, not hidden hostility.
A wise woman knows she represents her Father wherever she goes. How she lives reflects how she leads. She leads as one before an audience of One.
Effective leaders submit to others
The exchange between David and Abigail is a picture of strength in unity. David was humble enough to recognize Abigail’s discernment and adjust his course. He praised her for keeping him from bloodshed, submitting to her wisdom and receiving her gift.
He didn’t see her as lesser, but as a voice of reason and truth. His humility met her courage and peace prevailed.
Abigail, for her part, recognized that David was fighting the Lord’s battles, not his own. Oh, that we would stop fighting each other and start fighting the Lord’s battles together!
As female leaders, we need not contend for what God has already given us, which is permission to lead. We are free to be strong women of God, not by striving, but by surrender. Our leadership is not a contest of place or power, but of heart and readiness.
Effective leaders assume ownership
Abigail took ownership even though Nabal was at fault. This may not always be appropriate, but it reveals her humility.
Ownership acknowledges that something is not as it should be and asks, What can I do to help make it right? It doesn’t minimize or shift blame. It admits wrong quickly and seeks reconciliation. Ownership makes repeating the same mistake difficult.
David was captivated by her gentle wisdom. He blessed her and granted her request.
For deeper reflection:
When have I spoken too soon or remained silent too long? What did I learn from that experience?
What does it mean for me, personally, to lead “before an audience of One”?
How do I respond when someone else’s wisdom challenges my own perspective or plan?
What might it look like to lead from surrender rather than striving?
How might humility and accountability strengthen my influence as a leader?
Series Title: Redeeming Influence
Part 4: Mutual respect in leadership
Today we will examine one final quality of leadership from the story of Abigail.
Effective leaders command respect
Abigail commanded respect. She didn’t demand it. Demanding respect centers on self; commanding respect centers on integrity. Respect is earned through humility and consistency. It pursues the greater good, even when personal benefit is absent.
We would be wise to bring the spirit of Abigail into our boardrooms, meetings, and conversations. We can courageously share our ideas with insight and sincerity, then release them. Our offering is not our identity. Like Abraham laying Isaac on the altar, we trust God to either consume our offering or raise it up and we are at peace either way.
During a recent lunch with two women I greatly admire, one of them shared how she does exactly this. She told me, “Rebekah, I have been in many meetings and felt compelled to share an idea or insight. I will share my thoughts and everyone will act like they did not hear me. The meeting will continue and in a while, one of the men will repeat the exact same idea I mentioned earlier. Everyone immediately shows enthusiasm and embraces the idea wholeheartedly. For me, I choose to focus on the way my idea will benefit the whole and have chosen to let go any need for recognition. Its not about me.”
I admire her humility while I also wrestle with the unfairness of her situation. It is disheartening to say the least.
If I could write a letter to men in leadership within the context of ministry alongside women, it would go like this:
“We women value your rational thinking and the way you can quickly parse through emotion to uncover the root of an issue. We admire how you often arrive at conclusions that are grounded and steady, while we’re still wading through the emotional wave pool of nuance and empathy. We respect the way you can compartmentalize, handling situations apart from emotion when needed.
“Yet, somehow, when it comes to hearing us in a meeting, it feels as though you get swallowed up in your own intelligence and we become small. Outwardly, you smile and say affirming things like, “Wow, you’re just so great.” But inwardly, we sense you dismiss our concerns or ideas. This makes us feel insignificant, as though the real ministry should be left to you men.
“But when God gave the mandate to Adam in the Garden, Eve was with him. This was not a man-to-man conversation where God commissioned only men to fill the earth and subdue it. God said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground” (Genesis 1:28). They were created as equals: co-partners, co-creators, co-image bearers. It was never an assignment God gave to one alone.
“We would like you to value the contributions we make. We would like you to create space for us at the table, not just a physical seat or a polite nod of acknowledgment, but real space. The kind where you pause, turn to us, and ask, “What do you think?” Then you lean in, not just to hear our words, but to listen to our heart.
“We want you to value our perspective and insight and to show that you do. Not only with words, but with action. To act on what we say because you recognize the weight and wisdom it carries.
“There is a deep dissonance when a woman bears the title of “executive,” yet her wisdom is dismissed. Her role is diminished when her words are uninvited, ignored, or overlooked. When the top tier of leadership in church and ministry is predominantly male, what message do you think that sends to the women who serve beside you?
“And to all men who desire to serve alongside women more effectively, we humbly encourage you to study Jesus. Listen to how He converses with the woman at the well. Watch how He protects the adulterous woman and confronts those who unfairly judge her. Observe how He honors the woman with the alabaster flask, not as a detached spectator amused by her small contribution, but as a man deeply moved by the heartfelt gesture of a woman. Notice His compassion for the bent-over, the broken, the bleeding. True dignity is expressed not through polite words alone, but through actions rooted in inner conviction and virtue.”
Jesus did not make women feel small or obligated to Him. He restored their dignity and affirmed their worth as human beings, who were fully seen, fully appreciated, and fully valued.
For deeper reflection:
If I were to write my own letter to the men I serve with, what would it say?
What would it look like for me to bring the spirit of Abigail’s leadership with me to my current job? How would it influence my meetings and interactions there?
Series Title: Redeeming Influence
Part 5: Men and Women Leading Together
The story of Abigail and David offers a glimpse into God’s design for leadership that is not competitive but complementary. Abigail’s discernment met David’s authority, and together their interaction preserved life, restored order, and revealed the beauty of humility in strength.
David’s power did not overshadow Abigail’s wisdom. Nor did Abigail’s insight undermine David’s calling. Instead, they met one another in mutual respect, each embodying a distinct reflection of God’s character: David’s courage and authority, Abigail’s discernment and grace. When joined, these qualities created a fuller expression of godly leadership.
The church and the world suffer when men lead without the wisdom of women, and when women lead without the strength of men. God never intended leadership to be a solitary performance but a shared stewardship. Men and women were created to bear His image together, and that divine partnership was meant to extend into every realm, from home to ministry to community.
When men lead with humility and women lead with courage, something holy happens: power becomes redemptive, not destructive. David’s willingness to listen to Abigail turned wrath into restraint. Abigail’s willingness to speak truth turned fear into faith.
This is how leadership should look. Not a struggle for dominance, but a shared pursuit of righteousness. Not a contest for control, but a collaboration under the Lordship of Christ.
In every generation, God raises up Davids and Abigails, men and women who lead differently but faithfully, who know that wisdom and strength are never rivals but companions in the service of God’s kingdom.
For deeper reflection:
What would change if I viewed leadership less as position and more as shared pursuit of God’s righteousness?
Like David, am I willing to listen when someone offers truth that challenges me?
Like Abigail, am I willing to speak truth when fear tells me to stay silent?
How does seeing leadership as a shared reflection of God’s image reshape my view of men and women working together?
What does it mean for me personally to embody “mutual respect” in leadership?
Series Title: Every Leader Has a Backstory
Part 1: The Hidden Places of Leadership
Every leader has a backstory.
Moses comes to my mind when I think of great leaders and their influence in the Old Testament. He interacted with Pharaoh, the most prominent political figure of his time. He performed miracles through God’s power that led to the deliverance of hundreds of thousands of people when he led the Israelites out of slavery into freedom. God spoke face-to-face with Moses as a man speaks with a friend (Exodus 33:11).
I think of David, the man after God’s own heart. King over the nation of Israel who shepherded Israel with the integrity of heart and guided them with skillful hands (Psalm 78:72).
I think of Sarah, Rebekah, and Leah, gifted women of influence who birthed baby boys who grew into the next generation of men who carried the Seed of the Messiah in the genealogy of Jesus. Thousands of years later, their names and influence still live.
It’s easy to get caught up in the amazing exploits leaders are remembered for. Sadly, we often miss the process of development that shaped them. Every leader has a backstory, the part of life hidden from public view. Often, the greater the impact, the deeper and more difficult the challenges in that hidden history.
Transition to Joseph:
Genesis 37:3–9 introduces us to Joseph, a leader with a very colorful backstory. He was 17 when he began having dreams of greatness, dreams that revealed his destiny but also exposed his immaturity. He was spoiled, arrogant, and blind to how his words and actions affected others. His brothers hated him. Their hatred led him into the pit, into slavery, and eventually into Egypt.
For deeper reflection:
What’s in my backstory? What part of my life do I wish had never happened? Could it be the very soil God uses to plant the seeds of my influence?
Series Title: Every Leader Has a Backstory
Part 2: Prison as Preparation
Joseph’s Testing:
Joseph’s life shifted dramatically in Egypt. Placed in Potiphar’s house, his administrative gifts shone, and everything ran smoothly under his leadership. Yet when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him, Joseph chose integrity over compromise, a decision that landed him in prison.
“And Joseph’s master took him and put him in the prison, a place where the state prisoners were confined… But the Lord was with Joseph, and showed him mercy and loving-kindness, and gave him favor in the sight of the warden” (Genesis 39:20–21).
The presence of difficulty does not mean the absence of God. He is a God of timing, and time is His most effective tool. Scholars estimate Joseph spent between 10 and 12 years in prison.
The Shift in His Heart:
Growing up, Joseph was favored and elevated in his father’s house. But in prison, he learned how to serve. He grew in awareness of others’ pain. When the butler and baker were downcast, Joseph noticed their sadness and asked why. Pain had enlarged his capacity for compassion.
Yet Joseph was still learning. When he interpreted the butler’s dream, he begged to be remembered before Pharaoh. He tried to leverage his gift for self-advancement, but God was still chiseling pride away.
For deeper reflection:
Have I ever tried to rescue myself from a hard place? What if God wants to carry me through it, not out of it?
Series Title: Every Leader Has a Backstory
Part 3: From Backstory to Platform
Elevation in God’s Time:
After years of being tested in hidden places, Joseph was suddenly summoned to Pharaoh. In one moment, he was lifted from prison to prestige (Genesis 41:14). Yet Joseph no longer carried the arrogance of his youth. His destiny was no longer about his greatness, it was about the greatness of God.
He developed wisdom to steward his gift of interpretation. He used his leadership not for self-promotion but for the preservation of life. Joseph told his brothers later:
“God sent me ahead of you to preserve life… it was not you who sent me here, but God” (Genesis 45:7–8).
Our Platform Today:
Our backstory becomes the greatest stage for God’s redeeming power. Our platform is not about followers or visibility but about how we live daily, how we interact with coworkers, how we treat our families behind closed doors, how we carry ourselves in public and private.
The question is not, Do people have to follow us? but Do people love to follow us?
Closing:
Joseph’s story teaches us that pain, waiting, and hiddenness are not wasted. They are the sacred places where God shapes leaders who can withstand pressure and serve with humility.
Let’s be women who allow God to do such a deep work within us that when His time comes, we are ready to carry the weight of leadership, not for our glory, but for His.
For deeper reflection:
Am I willing to let God determine the timing of my “platform,” even if it takes longer than I would like? Where has God entrusted me with influence today, in my home, workplace, church, or community? How do I respond when my influence goes unnoticed or unappreciated?
Rebekah Ashley 